When Everything You Do Seems to Disappoint Someone

You make a choice and someone is upset about it. You don’t make a choice and someone is upset about that. You do something and it’s wrong. You don’t do something and that’s wrong too. The disappointment comes no matter what so at some point you stop trying to avoid it.

People had an idea of who you would be and you turned out to be someone else. The difference between the two is the source of constant disappointment. They keep treating you like the person they imagined while you keep being the person you actually are. The two things don’t match so someone is always disappointed.

Your success disappoints them or your struggles do. Your choices disappoint them or your lack of choices does. Your life disappoints them in whatever form it takes. You can’t do anything that feels right to you without disappointing someone who cares about you.

You try changing to fit what they want and it works for a while. Then you get tired of being someone else and you go back to being yourself and they are disappointed again. The trying doesn’t help because the problem isn’t anything you are doing wrong. The problem is that you are not the person they wanted.

The guilt about this is heavy. You feel bad for not being who they need. You feel bad for disappointing them over and over. You feel bad for not being able to give them what they want. But you can’t give them what they want because what they want is for you to be someone else and you can’t be someone else.

Some of them will leave. They will realize you are not going to change into who they need and they will leave and it will hurt. But at least then the disappointment stops because the person is gone. The disappointment that comes with people staying is worse in a way because it’s constant and ongoing and there’s no resolution to it.

You stop apologizing for being yourself because the apologies don’t change anything. You are still you and they are still disappointed so the apology is pointless. You just accept that you are going to disappoint them and hope they accept that too. Most of them don’t accept it.

The people who do accept it are the ones you should keep around. The ones who wanted you to be someone different and left, or the ones who wanted you to be someone different and stayed disappointed, those relationships are the ones that hurt. The relationships that work are the ones where who you are is okay with who they wanted. 

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