Unemployment​‍​‌‍​‍‌​‍​‌‍​‍‌ and Self-worth

The worst thing about not having a job is not always the lack of money, but rather the other things that come with it. The weird invitations that you have to pretend you didn't see, the lies that you start to tell to your face, and the slow, invisible weight of the sensation that you are falling while the world is just spinning. 

You start to think of the price of every outing as if it were a math test. Friends talk about going to brunch, and your mind immediately goes to your bank account. You hear someone saying, “It is just coffee, “ and you think of what it must be like when coffee is not a sacrifice. 

People think that you are free because you are not employed. Free to do errands, free to do favors, and free for emotional labor. It is not only the requests that upset you, but also the way they are made, the way they advise as if they were making a judgment: “Have you tried X?” “So, and, so is doing Y, maybe you should do that.” 

You agree, smile, and get away with “I'm resting,” even when what you really mean is, “I am trying not to break.” At some point, it clicks inside your head, and you stop overexplaining, explaining that you stop showing up because of guilt, and you stop trying to prove that you are doing enough. Some people will stop being a part of your life when you start prioritizing yourself. It hurts, but it shows you those who respect your boundaries and those who only liked you better when you had none. 

The pressure may still be there, but it becomes less noticeable. You find a way to be more confident even when you do not have money in your pockets. You begin to see that your value is not determined by how busy you are or how much you can give. If someone is unable to handle your “not yet”, then they are not worthy of seeing you “made it”. 

People come along with you when you start making money. There is a point at which things are about to change. Maybe you get a job, or your side hustle starts to bring in money, or you are not wealthy, but you are no longer losing it when you swipe. After that, there are the texts, the check-ins, or the people who say, 'I was just thinking of you.' Some are genuine, while others are merely spectators. 

It​‍​‌‍​‍‌​‍​‌‍​‍‌ is quite an unusual period. You tend to think, “If I were still having a hard time, would they have sent me a message? If I lost everything tomorrow, would they still respect me?” You become more and more engrossed in the message, start evaluating people and their intentions, and come to the conclusion that money does not fix trust issues. What it does is it only exposes them. 

Some people require you to spend money in order to prove something, whereas others want to find out how far you will go now that you are okay. Nevertheless, money does not take care of all the issues; it only makes the cracks more ​‍​‌‍​‍‌​‍​‌‍​‍‌audible. 

You are not obliged to let anyone see the side of you that they disregarded when you had nothing to give. Those who saw your light when it was barely shining, keep them close. That is your circle. You are under no obligation to entertain those who only applaud the bright side of you. See who was there when all you had was grit. That is the real flex. 

Even when you feel invisible, carry confidence. When things have been tough financially for quite a while, you start doubting everything, including your own value, your place, and your future. There is a kind of loneliness that is especially strong when you feel life is happening to you, not with you. You begin to wonder if there is anyone who sees you beyond your potential. 

The real change is at that point, not when you get a job, not when your bills are paid, but when you make a decision: “Life may have become tough, but I am not shrinking.” Even when your voice quivers, you say what you have to say, you behave as if you belong, and you stop being sorry for your presence in the room. That energy is capable of making changes. People do see it, but most importantly, you do. 

Confidence is not about putting up a front that everything is alright, but rather being aware that you are still valuable even when things are tough. To those who are doing what they have to do at the moment, if you are working a manual job while you have a degree, or you are doing what it takes to survive while you are still chasing something more, this is the part that speaks to you. 

Forget the whispers that tell you what you should have been doing by now. You are working and building, and that is enough. There is no shame in showing up. Some of the strongest people that I know are in overalls rather than in suits. What is important is not where you are but that you are still in the fight. 

Success is a matter of a series of pivots, setbacks, and comebacks. You are allowed to take the longer route. Do not stop working on your performance, keep developing your skills, and continue building. One day, you will look back and see: you were not wasting your time in this chapter. It was working your mental, emotional, and financial muscles, and when your time comes, you will be able to handle it differently because you earned it. 

This stage is not about you. When you are broke, you will learn more about people than money ever could. It will let you know those who cheered when you had nothing to give. It will make you develop thick skin and soft eyes. It will also make you realize how much pressure you had kept inside and how much freedom there is in letting it go. Some nights you will cry, some days you will feel forgotten, but you are never by yourself. God will walk with you through the quiet parts, the ones that no one sees, and the ones that will shape you. 

You may be in a period when everything seems unfair, when it feels as if nobody sees how hard you are trying, but you are figuring things out little by little. The world may not be applauding you now, but keep going, keep showing up, and keep trusting that this part of your story is ​‍​‌‍​‍‌​‍​‌‍​‍‌important.

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