Healing While Broke Is Its Own Kind of Pain
No one talks about healing when you are still struggling to pay bills, and when your phone buzzes with a job rejection and your heart sinks, not just from the no, but from how familiar that no has become.
This version of healing is not curated. It does not come with soft music
or scented candles. It looks like choking back tears during a call you cannot
afford to miss. It sounds like saying “I’m fine” when you are anything but because
people expect you to keep it together, especially when you still need them.
Therapy costs more than your monthly food budget, journaling feels like a
luxury, and sleep is something you only get when the anxiety takes a night off.
Most nights, it does not. So you learn how to sit with yourself, how to hold
the silence without letting it swallow you, and how to talk yourself down when
shame creeps in, shame for not being further, shame for needing help, and shame
for believing in things that never worked out.
You notice things now. How quick you are to apologize for existing, how
you say yes to things you hate because you are scared saying no will mean
losing your one shot, and how your people-pleasing came from survival, not from
your personality. You start to feel grief for the version of you who never got
what they needed, the one who had to be okay too soon, too often.
Healing while broke means you cannot just cut off toxic people because you
still depend on some of them. You cannot just quit the job that drains you
since it funds your basic needs. Boundaries get blurry, self-worth gets shaky,
and no one is clapping for your progress, because from the outside, nothing has
changed, but on the inside, you start to notice what you used to ignore.
You stop chasing validation, stop explaining your worth, and you find
ways to stay grounded, even when nothing around you feels stable, pretty, or linear.
Some days, you spiral, some days, you rise. Most days, you do both before lunch
and still you show up for yourself, quietly, and consistently, even if the only
person who sees it is you.
Eventually, the weight of survival does not feel like a cage anymore; it
feels like muscle memory. You learn how to carry the hard stuff with more
grace. It did not get lighter, but you got stronger, which is the part no one
sees. That is the version of healing no one writes about, the one that is not
for applause, but for survival, and maybe one day, for someone else who needs
to know it is possible.
If you are healing in silence, I see you. Read more stories like this at Unapologetic
Wit and subscribe so you never feel like you are going through it alone.
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