Realizing You Have Been Chasing the Wrong Thing

Years went into pursuing something and the realization lands that the something was never actually wanted. The work was real and the goal was clear but the desire to reach the goal was borrowed from somewhere else. Now the thing is almost possible and it doesn't matter.

The immediate problem is that stopping feels like wasting the work already done. All that time and effort would mean nothing if the goal doesn't get reached. But reaching the goal means getting something that doesn't matter. Both options feel like loss.

What complicates this is that people are invested in the goal. They helped support it, believed in it, maybe sacrificed for it. Admitting that the whole thing was built on false wanting means admitting that their investment was in a false direction. That creates guilt alongside the panic about wasted time.

The work that's been done isn't completely wasted even if the goal doesn't matter. Some skills got built. Some connections got made. Some growth happened. The fact that it was in service of the wrong goal doesn't erase that it happened. But that's hard to remember when looking at the goal that's almost in reach but doesn't mean anything.

Continuing toward the goal out of obligation to the work already done doesn't make sense but it's tempting. At least then the time wouldn't be wasted. At least then something would come of all the effort. But getting something that doesn't matter just because the work was already done is a different kind of waste.

Stopping and redirecting means accepting that some time got lost on the wrong thing. It means telling people that the thing they supported wasn't actually wanted. It means starting over somewhere when energy for starting over doesn't exist. It means dealing with the shame and frustration of having spent years on something that didn't matter.

The wanting for the right thing is unclear right now. The years spent on the wrong goal didn't clarify what the right goal actually is. They just revealed that the wrong goal was wrong. So now there's the wrong goal that's almost in reach, and there's nothing that feels like the right thing, and there's the knowledge that years of work went the wrong direction.

Some of the goal can probably be salvaged even if the main thing doesn't matter. Parts of the pursuit might have led somewhere worth being. Redirecting doesn't mean losing everything, just the main thing that was never wanted anyway.

The hardest part is accepting that the time was spent the way it was spent and that can't change. The work was done toward something false. That's what happened. Now there's deciding what to do with the time that's left and the knowledge that false goals can look like real ones for a very long time.

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