Episode 6: The Energy Spent on Earning What Was Already Yours

Too much time was spent auditioning for belonging, for trust, for ease. That effort, the shape-shifting, the holding back, the constant calculating became a second job in the emotional labor of wondering if being fully yourself would cost you what you most needed.

The truth is, much of what was being worked so hard to earn was never meant to be earned. It was already there. The right to be seen, take up space, speak without rehearsing, to exist without proving, but in environments that made those things feel conditional, they began to look like currency, as if they could only be granted, never claimed.

When what was always true begins to be remembered, something unravels. The exhaustion starts to make sense and the weight that could never quite be named starts to reveal itself. It becomes clearer how much energy was spent negotiating personal worth in places that could never hold it fully.

What often goes unspoken is the loneliness that lingers after years of trying to prove value in spaces that never saw clearly. It’s not just the exhaustion, it’s the grief of realizing how much of one’s story was shaped by someone else’s comfort. 

In the midst of that grief, there’s a tenderness in starting over. Life starts to soften when worth no longer hinges on someone else's permission. There’s quiet relief in seeing how enoughness was never missing, just buried beneath the effort to earn it.

And slowly, without needing a breakthrough moment, energy begins to return. Softness no longer has to shrink. Voice no longer has to be filtered. Ease is allowed in as a return. Belonging doesn’t require performance. Safety doesn’t need to be proven. What was always there doesn’t need to be explained.